Pages

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Pages of My Life

" When I stand before God's throne, nothing hidden nothing unknown...When I kneel down that day, looking upon His holy face I will remember with trembling every single moment, every memory...He'll be staring at the pages of my life. Was my passion just to know him, did I really let it out and show him? "

Music artist's Leeland couldn't have said it better. These lyrics are from their song 'Pages'. The reality of the above lyrics have really hit me hard lately. As we bring in a new year I cant help but reflect on all that happened this last year. In the same way when we stand before God after our earthly body has died, He will look back at our life-much like people reflect on the past year at new years.

God will look at my life-the 'pages' of my life. I ask myself- was my passion to know Him? What kind of fruit did my passions grow? No matter what the answer is to that question, God will see them, those pages, and it will be too late to go back and edit or change them.

I have always loved music. It seems to speak to my soul. I can look back at times in my life and certain songs will take me back to those moments as if I was re-living them all over again. Some songs I can listen to with joy and happiness, others I cant listen to because of the raw emotion and challenges I was facing at that point in my life. I love that God has given us the ability to express ourselves through an enormous variety of arts. Knowing that He created man in His image, and seeing how man has the ability to express himself, I cant wait to be in glory with God to experience Him in a perfect state! He has so abundantly expressed himself on this earth with the amazing beauty of creation all around us...I cant even begin to grasp what it will be like in heaven!

This past year was a challenging one for sure. It was our 1st year back in Nova Scotia. I really love it here, but I found myself riddled with health struggles. After struggling for a couple months with a variety of concerns I found out that I had Mano. I also fought a nasty respitory infection at the same time. Right after that we experienced the immense loss of losing a baby. Those details will remain unwritten about at this point, but all I can say is God is sovereign and His timing is perfect... We had a pretty good summer. We celebrated 3 years of marriage in August, and in September moved into a bigger place with a back yard for our dog. I began having more health concerns in October, and after a series of blood work, ultrasounds, and a diet change I discovered that I have a sensitivity to gluten. We spent the holidays with Mitch's family and had an overall pretty relaxing season with them. Our car was totalled and we had to go through the fun process of finding a new one. As I look back on all of this I can say that God definitely and absolutely is faithful! In the midst of a trying year He has stayed a solid brick of strength in our lives. James 1:2-4 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." No matter what I face in this life I believe this verse to be true! I once heard someone say that without difficult times one cannot know pure joy.

So we have been in Nova Scotia for a year. As I have written before we want to go on with our schooling to serve overseas as missionaries. The question to answer is are we any closer to meeting that goal? As it would appear to us and to put it simply - no. This has been another struggle for us of late. We both really desire to go back to school. But there are several things that need to take place before that will happen, and so far many of those things have been left unchanged. We have really struggled to understand why God has not made is easier for us to get all this stuff done so we can go. I mean, after all there are unreached people groups out there that need to hear His perfect and holy word right? As true as that is, for His reasons only, He has not led us in that direction yet. Mitch and I have both reached the point that we have no choice but to take each day at a time-trusting God to lead us, praying that we will be faithful with what He has given us, and believe that when it is His time for us to go to school doors will begin to open. I can say with complete honesty, as best as we can understand, that the doors have been closed for us to go any time soon (not to say He cant and/or wont open them).

Many of our classmates have finished their training and are serving overseas right now. I love seeing all of the pictures and stories from them, hearing how God is working in amazing ways in the hearts of the people who are in remote tribes around the world! It brings such joy to my heart to see the great commission take place in such a raw manner! Both Mitch and I know that God has placed us here in Truro for a season, and we need to focus on being here 100%. As my friend Tenley recently said: "choose to bloom where you are planted"...I couldn't have said it any better my self! I desperately want this 'page' in my life to show that my passion is to truly know Him. In my weakness He is strong, by the power of the cross! I praise my Creator God that He is indeed strong when I am weak, for "I delight in weaknesses...in hardships...in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10.

~Amanda~